Never Say "I Love You"

A teenaged girl came to me for advice one day. She said "I really like this boy in my biology class. He doesn't really know me yet. When should I tell him that I love him?"

My answer? NEVER! The worst thing you can do to ruin a relationship before it starts is to reveal your true feelings too early. Even if the boy liked you, such a declaration is bound to make him feel uncomfortable. If he doesn't know you, it could even be tragic. So what to do instead? The key is to be non-threatening. You don't want him to worry about doing or saying the right thing, or if the two of you are going to get married someday. My best advice? Say this: "Hey John, I'm Sally. I sit behind you in biology. A bunch of us are getting together and going bowling Friday night. Ya wanna join us?" If he says yes, then you have your opening. Don't push it. Don't rush it. Just be a friend and see where it goes. If he says no? That's fine. Just say "Oh, okay, well if you change your mind, why don't you give me a call. Here's my number. We'll be at AmericaBowls starting around seven. If it turns out you don't like him after all? Great! No problem. You're just friends, remember? No messy breakups. No embarrassment. He fades into the woodwork, as do you, your pride intact. If you want to pursue anyone, you must be somewhat counterintuitive. You pursue by refusing to pursue. Guaranteed not to cause anyone distress.